What if we ran amusement parks the way traditional educators run the public schools?
You would only be admitted to the park nearest your home. Good fortune if you live near Sandusky, otherwise you might have to go here.
If you were independently wealthy, you could buy the all-parks pass and go where you want. If poor students were given free tickets, they would be kicked out of the park under new ownership. Or maybe not.
Once inside the park, you would be tested to determine your IQ (intensity quotient). This information would be promptly ignored and you would be assigned to a ride alphabetically. If you showed special promise as a rider, you might be allowed to upgrade to the inverted coaster.
Only “certified” workers would be allowed to operate the rides. Bored, distracted, conflicted, or malicious operators would gain lifetime employment after three summers.
If your ride is broken or your operator is incompetent—too bad. At least you don’t have to go to school in East St. Louis. If others on your ride misbehave, the learning ride will be shut down until they comply.
The best operators with the most popular rides and the cleanest venues would be promoted to “head operator” and required to relentlessly inspect all the rides in the park. Only .3% of all operators would earn the lowest rating. The inspection reports would have zero impact on hiring and firing.
Designs from the 1936 World’s Fair would dominate the park. The best and newest rides would be computer-based, but the network filter would block access.
All rides would be converted to “the basics” so riders would have their choice of Ferris Wheel, Roller Coaster and Water Rides. The best riders would be rewarded with "enhanced basic" coasters, while the worst rides would earn extra inspections and more federal regulations.
“Special” riders would be confined to a self-contained area of the park with high walls and kiddie rides.
Don’t get me started on the food.
There would be no laughing.
In some states, independent amusement parks would start testing out new rides, renovating smaller parks, and recruiting skilled operators. The traditional parks would accuse the newcomers of stealing customers.
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3 comments:
Within 5 years all attendees would have to be able to ride the upside down supercoaster. Even if they are pregnant, too short, or have a pacemaker.
If a ride makes an attendee sick continue to make the attendee ride the same one again and again until they figure out how not to be sick.
If there is litter on the ground make everyone come back and pick it up.
When attendees enter the park they sit in front of the ride and are instructed on how to ride it so they will be able to do so some day in the future.
On the off chance the park decides to drop all of the rules and let the kids just have fun for the day, before the kids leave they will write a 5 paragraph essay on what they have learned, or compare and contrast a roller coaster with a Ferris wheel.
The concession stands are only open from 12:00-12:20.
When you enter the park you are given a list of the ride you can and can't go on.
...can go on and on...great post!
On the other side of this idea, I was recently in an airport and it made me think about what if schools just changed the schedule because of whatever circumstances without any notifications. Or if they overbooked classrooms because somebody probably wouldn't show up, then just made all the of the most recently registered students wait for the next class to start? What if schools showed you food that was extremely overpriced, then didn't give you any unless you had the exact change? I could go on forever with this one....
This is effin hilarious!!! So that all riders become proficient, the ones having difficulty will be repeated drilled while the already proficient riders are ignored and bored. All rides must contain a homogeneous mix of riders, to be fair to the operators. Operators are not allowed to be observed and operators are not allowed to take tips.
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